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Memories, musings, and finding meaning after losing my one-year-old boy.

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Monthly Archives: February 2022

I hope you know

When the breath left your tiny body, I didn’t know for sure that “it” had happened. I laid there, willing your chest to rise again, but it didn’t. We placed our hands over your heart as it slowed and eventually stopped just after 3:30am, still not appreciating that it was real. I held you untilContinue reading “I hope you know”

Posted byThis Grieving MamaFebruary 9, 2022Posted inUncategorizedLeave a comment on I hope you know

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@this.grieving.mama

This photo was taken on January 9th two years ago, exactly one month before he left this earth. This was the week that he started exhibiting worrying symptoms that we hoped weren't a sign of a bigger problem. Because save for these few symptoms, he was fine. He was more than fine. He was happy, and healthy, and laughing, and his front teeth were getting cuter every day. But in reality, he wasn't fine. There were multiple tumours silently growing in his brain, and we had no idea.
Ringing in the new year used to be fun. For me, it always signalled new beginnings, shedding old habits, and welcoming exciting adventures. I'm thankful for many things 2022 gave us (namely our new daughter Norah), but mostly I'm sad. Sad that another year passing means getting further away from Miles. Sad that we're entering a second year he didn't exist in. Sad that 2023 won't create any new family memories with him. Time is a thief, and celebrating its passage tonight is a toughie.
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