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“Real” Job

When I left work, I was pregnant. Pelvic issues had me in pain when standing (which, as a teacher, is unavoidable), so I went off about a month before Miles arrived. I spent the weeks waiting for him to arrive nesting, resting, and counting down the days until I could meet our little man. TheContinue reading ““Real” Job”

Just

I wake up on the morning of our 8th wedding anniversary to my husband Kent sitting on the bed with a medium-sized box in his hands. “I thought we agreed we weren’t doing gifts!” I say, embarrassed that I don’t have anything for him. “It’s for both of us”, he says. “Go ahead, open it.”Continue reading “Just”

Absent/Present

I sit by the water, watching our nephews play in the lake during our family vacation, splashing around as they jump in the waves. They are nine and twelve and quintessentially “boy”- loud, dirty, and full of energy. Miles adored his cousins, especially watching them play. He would sit contended in his little chair, hisContinue reading “Absent/Present”

Mother’s Day

It wasn’t until the day was almost over that I lost it. I had distracted myself all day, willing myself to believe that this was just any other day, a Hallmark holiday meant for husbands to win brownie points. But the truth is, it’s a day set aside to honour, remember and celebrate motherhood inContinue reading “Mother’s Day”

Shoes

I remember staring at baby shoes on store shelves before you were conceived. I ached to put these tiny little shoes on my future baby’s feet. In the months and years we tried to get pregnant, I would imagine chubby little toes wiggling inside my belly, and getting to kiss these toes once you wereContinue reading “Shoes”

Red

Red. You were too young to have a favourite colour, but I imagine red would have been it when you got older. It was the colour of the plaid fleece blanket we bundled you in when we brought you home from the hospital. Of one of the nursing bras I wore when breastfeeding you, yourContinue reading “Red”

Descent

The steam of the shower billows over the top of the glass, but the walls are still cold. I sit, bottle clasped in my hands, breathing its scent in so deeply my lungs start to ache. The streams of water and tears tickle my cheeks as I remember.  Your tiny body, the first time weContinue reading “Descent”

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